The enemy within: Stop students from bypassing your defenses

The enemy within:

Stop students from bypassing your defenses

The threat of the web

The web has replaced email as the primary entry point for malware into a network, with a brand new infected webpage discovered approximately every 4.5 seconds1. The majority of these are legitimate sites – government agencies, Google, MySpace, Facebook, the Cambridge Dictionary, BusinessWeek, and many more have all fallen victim to hackers. Clicking on such pages poses a multitude of risks to networks, including the loss of confidential information, virus and spyware infection and botnet recruitment.

Schools in the front line

K-12 schools are particularly at risk from web-delivered malware – and it is often introduced by the very people they need to protect: students. Not only are many children extremely technically skilled, but they have ample opportunity to work unobserved in internet-connected computer labs and libraries, which are used by hundreds of different students every day.

Unlike corporate environments, where adult users have jobs, salaries and reputations to worry about, K-12 students often don’t know or don’t care about the consequences of their actions to the school network. Bypassing network controls to access restricted websites is usually just considered an entertaining challenge, or a way to burnish an anti-establishment image. However, in addition to ensuring their own network security, schools are held responsible by parents and state and federal laws – such as the Children’s Internet Protection Act (CIPA) – with protecting young, impressionable minds from web predators and harmful content. One example of a student bypassing a school’s web filters involved an eighth grader in Texas who downloaded pornography during a study group2.

Bypassing web filters

Students across North America are increasingly turning to anonymizing proxies to bypass their school’s web filters to view pornography or access banned social networking sites. Anonymizing proxies are widespread, with several hundred new proxies published daily. Easy to access and difficult for traditional security software to detect, anonymizing proxies are web sites that trick an organization’s web filter into thinking the user is browsing legitimate content. The user visits the anonymizing site first and enters their intended URL, and the proxy then opens a portal to the student’s desired destination. Traditional web filters only identify the anonymizing proxy URL, not the destination URL, and as such often allow the request. In some cases, the student simply configures his or her web browser to point automatically to the anonymizing proxy, ensuring that all web activity is hidden.

K-12 schools are particularly at risk from web-delivered malware – and it is often introduced by the very people they need to protect: students.

Aside from disguising banned content, anonymizing proxies change constantly, with scores of new ones appearing daily. K-12 school IT administrators spend hours each week tracking down and blocking anonymizing proxies, significantly affecting resources and overheads.

Many web sites also offer daily updated lists of anonymizing proxies. A quick Google search will produce hundreds of anonymizing proxy sites. There are even video instructions on YouTube that show students how to construct one. It is also not difficult for computer savvy students to set up their own anonymizing proxies at home, using one of the many free utilities available online.

Defeating anonymizing proxies

There are a number of ways that schools can complement their existing web filtering technology to identify and block anonymizing proxies:

Reputation detection services••

Real-time proxy detection••

User education••

Reputation detection services

Reputation detection services constantly track publicly known anonymizing proxy sites and the forums3 that exchange their details. They are then able to update a school’s web filters – ideally every 15 minutes or faster – to ensure that the web gateway security solution stays ahead of the student grapevine. Reducing the amount of time an anonymizing proxy is available to a student provides a major inconvenience to their ability to track and use such services.

Real-time proxy detection

Some anonymizing proxies are kept a closely guarded secret, or built at home for the exclusive use of one person. Because their details are not shared they are immune to reputation detection services and must be tracked in real time.

Real-time detection monitors and analyzes all web requests and responses for signs that traffic is being routed through an anonymizing proxy. If one is detected, the request can be blocked. Signs that a student is using an anonymizing proxy include URL strings hidden within other URLs, and partially encrypted URLs. Real-time detection relies on strong decryption capabilities, as many proxies use encryption to hide their actions.

Anonymizing proxies are widespread, with several hundred new proxies published daily.

User education

User education is always a central pillar of enforcing a web acceptable use policy (AUP), and many schools require students and their parents to formally sign their acceptance of such policies and ensure that they are aware of the consequences of violating them. AUPs should always contain a clause forbidding the use of anonymizing proxies, and state that controls are in place to monitor and detect their use. Formal AUPs do deter many students from trying to get around the rules, particularly if that information is part of a memo sent to parents.

Many schools also run internet safety classes as part of their computer curriculum, which can be utilized to explain more fully the dangers of anonymizing proxies and the thinking behind the AUP.

Summary

Anonymizing proxies allow students to bypass their school’s web filters to access inappropriate and blocked content. Their large and ever-changing numbers and ease-of-use make them difficult to block, and schools can find themselves legally liable if minors are accessing pornography and other sites from within the network. However, reputation and real-time detection will identify and block anonymizing proxies, and user education will ensure that students and parents are aware of the risks in bypassing web filters.


How to Quit Masterbating – 5 Tips to Stop the Madness

Learning how to quit masterbating is something that can plague you mentally if you’ve tried to quit and failed many times. I know how you are feeling. Millions of people across the world have become frustrated because they have wanted to know how to quit masterbating and haven’t been able to. If this is you, there is hope! By studying this article you can shift your awareness and change your life!

Feeling like you just can’t seem to learn how to quit masterbating affects your self esteem and can trigger emotional feelings of great guilt and fear, all while driving time away from dreams. These types of effects tend to be standard with any addiction but are often increased with addictions such as masterbation and pornography use. Below are several tips that will get you on the right track to recovery.

#1. Stop the guess work. Study what works

Plain and simple. Random changes and guess work aren’t enough. This is a serious need of the body that needs to be released. It takes more than hoping you’ll be stronger next time. Try a proven system or at least some type of professional, thought out method that has worked for others. This is how people find success learning how to quit masterbating.

#2 Have a physical outlet in heated moments!

The need to masterbate is a physical one. It is not mentally geared. This means that using mental strategies alone to deal with it is not enough. You must use physical ones to fight the emotional and physical drive. Get out some testosterone. Find some type of activity where you can sweat it out in the heat of the moment by playing a sport, lifting weights, going on an active hike or something that will steer your physical sexual drive and channel it into a different physical outlet. This is a great key in learning how to quit masterbating.

#3. Focus on avoiding pornography as a primary step.

For most people wanting to quit masterbating, porn is a huge factor they need to address first. This can be compared to making sure their is no gasoline near a fire if you don’t want the fire to grow. After this is done, you can address the fire much better. Whether it’s internet pornography, T.V, movies, strip clubs, or mental images imagines you hold in your mind, these must be handled before you can learn how to quit masterbating.

#4 make your goal the dream state!

You must release the semen in one way or another. Understand that the people who have learned to gain control of masterbation or even completely stop masterbating still release semen. The body naturally produces an excess of this. Most individuals natural release method happens in the dream state. You need a goal to aim towards. Make it your dream state. Avoiding a behavior is not enough to stay goal oriented. You need a line to mark your success!

#5 Join teams of recovery and invest in knowledge!

There are some absolutely amazing programs out there that can give you the life edge in porn addiction recovery, masterbation recovery and life empowerment in general! Tons of people connect with these programs created by professors and experts and find an edge they didn’t know existed.

 

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Help Me Stop Masturbating – 4 Reinforcements to Help You Live On Your Terms Again!

Every find yourself saying, “Please, someone help me stop masturbating once and for all!” If so, you are not alone. Someone I knew personally helped me stop masturbating by providing a few tips to give me encouragement and helped guide me to expert resources that showed me how to handle such a powerful addiction with determination and success. There is nothing like having people who have been there in your corner.

In this article I will show you how that person did help me stop masturbating as well as getting over various types of pornography addiction so I could get on with my life. Below are three tips that will help get you on the right mental track to stop masturbation & pornography addiction so you can live and enjoy your life with freedom!

#1 Do not torture yourself for your past failures or slip ups. Learn to move on from where you are.

Too many people out there who want to stop masturbating have learned to torture themselves emotionally and mentally after slipping up. Sexually related addictions tend to dwell in peoples mind overbearingly for different reasons. Some of these reasons include the embarrassment of sharing this struggle publicly as it is considered private in nature. Another reason has to do with the fact that many individuals see this habit as one that separates them from religion, god, and true self.

Too move on from this addiction you have to stop dwelling and thinking about your mistakes in such a negative light all the time. Have you ever found a young person trying to learn a new sport or project and they start to get frustrated saying “I’ll never amount to anything. I can’t do this!” We all know that this doesn’t help them. They must develop a good attitude to succeed. Similarly you must free yourself from much of this guilt and shame to find the hope needed.

#2 Separate the desire to masturbate and the desire to feed that need.

The individual who did help me stop masturbating taught me that the addiction often overwhelms humans because there is more to it then simply the innate human urge. It would be hard enough if you only had to learn to stop masturbating when it’s a natural human urge all by itself, but we live in a world of pornography. It is on T,V, the Internet, magazines, and even your imagination locks on to these images. You must deal with the enablers such as pornography while you deal with tendency to masturbate. You can’t conquer the one without conquering the other.

#3 Acknowledge the specific reasons you must stop masturbating and how you’ll be better off.

It is important to find out what the addiction to masturbation is drawing you away from in life. I had to ask myself why I wanted someone to help me stop masturbating. Once I answered this question, my purpose and goals became much more clear. I wrote these things down and had added drive in my life since I knew what I was working for. Write down the reasons you want to move on. Keep this information close to you.

#4 Find a system that works and take immediate action!

This is probably the most important lesson I took from the who I’d asked to help me stop masturbating. A proven system backed by experts is everything! Do not try to do this alone. Ask yourself, how successful you have been trying to conquer this innate human desire by yourself? If the answer is “not very” than it’s time to go to help, find proven sources and invest in methods that have worked for others.

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How to Quit Masturbating – The 5 Top Reasons You Can’t Stop

Learning how to quit masturbating can be courageous because you are facing something that most people are scared to. I know how frustrating it can be when you have something in your life that you feel you can’t be open about. Sexual occurrences are rarely discussed openly so it happens to be that many people avoid talking about them when they need to. In many of these instances the emotional pain gets worse but you are not alone! You can free your life again and here are some major strategies that will help.

Below are the top major reasons you keep getting drawn back in with insights below to help you finally learn how to quit masturbating and live the life you choose.

#1. You always count on being tougher without doing anything different!

How many times have you thought briefly about learning to quit masturbating just to later forget about the topic and justify procrastination? To overcome something addicting like learning how to quit masturbating, you must get creative, think about what’s going on and decide what new plan you can utilize.

#2. You haven’t viewed your addiction to masturbation as a life issue and self fulfillment issue.

Does this sound a little extreme? It’s actually a great secret to overcoming all types of addictions. Learning how to quit masturbating becomes much more achievable if your life is in harmony and balance with your dreams and potential. Find out what you want to do in life. Write down what you want to be known for physically, socially, financially, artistically etc? Fill your life with these ambitions and schedule them in your week. The more balance you have, the less you’ll care about masturbating.

#3. You haven’t addressed the need to view pornography in advance first!

Learning how to quit masturbating means you must work on your state of mind regarding pornography first! This is like draining the gasoline out of an semi truck to get it to stop instead of standing in front of it. Pornography and the addiction to sexual images replayed in the mind must be overcome before anyone stands a chance of quitting masturbation. Separate these two issues but hit cut down on pornography first.

#4. You haven’t taken your addiction seriously!

Learning how to quit masturbating is not a little feat so you shouldn’t view it as one. The need to have sexual intercourse is ingrained in you as a human being. This urge is second only to survival! To overcome an addiction like this in a world where pornography is everywhere you must take it seriously, stop being so hard on yourself and get real help. Do not try to do it alone.

#5. You haven’t taken some sort of committed action to build momentum off of.

Even if it’s small, there’s nothing like taking real action! Doing this gives you real momentum. You might want to contact an addiction therapist or invest in a small masturbation recovery program. Do something that will let your mind know that you are on it and you are doing something about it! There is nothing like doing this!

 

Students talk about pornography, and the dilemmas inherent to it. Viewers will hear opinions that affirm, challenge, disturb and even baffle them. Produced by 2100 Productions and available for download at FaithVisuals.com: www.faithvisuals.com
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How Do I Stop Masturbating – 5 Questions To Ask For Real Results & Recovery!

Have you ever asked yourself the question, “How do i stop masturbating?” If you ask this question often, you are not alone. It is no little thing to accomplish however. I used to say to myself, “How do I stop masturbating when it is something I keep coming back to even after getting determined?” Well in this article, I will present some new ways of thinking that will help you answer that same question as well as other questions that point you in the right direction.

 

#1 How Do I Stop Masturbating Without A Proven Plan?


Use a plan and write it down. Sounds simple right? Well how many times have you done it? In my own experience, I would get frustrated from making the same sexual related mistakes over and over again but I never actually experimented with proven, yet simple plans. Even my own plan would have been better than nothing.

#2 How Do I Stop Masturbating If I Don’t Educate Myself?


Study techniques and Reinforce Your knowledge while not in the heat of temptation! This is huge. When you are trying to answer the plaguing question “How do I stop masturbating?” you must realize that much of the answer comes in what you do when you are not in the heat of temptation. Do you reinforce your thought patterns by studying proven methods or do you just stay lazy hoping you’ll somehow be stronger next time.

#3 How Do I Stop Masturbating If I Never Connect With Like Minds?


When you join a group or club and connect with others you will find great relief in that community. The tension that builds in your mind can be released just by knowing that others have experienced your same trials and are working on them. Forums or Pornography and Masturbation expert programs connect you with real success stories and real communities.

#4 How Do I Stop Masturbating If I Never Focus On Success?


Do not take this temptation for granted. It is powerful! The need to have sexual relations is only second to survival! Nothing can be more frustrating than expecting the world to work in your favor and still finding you make the same mistakes. Maybe try to resist for half a week and if you do make it to that point, have a rewarding experience that replaces that need with something like a great hike, dinner, or workout. Review that success throughout the rest of the week!

 

#5 How Do I Stop Masturbating While I Keep Viewing Pornography?

You must deal with your pornography addiction as much if not more than your desire to masturbate. Pornography addiction always, without failure, leads to masturbation. Conquering a pornography addiction is the very first step in conquering masturbation habits. Once you move on from pornography you can deal with the act of masturbation. Pornography comes in the form of T.V, Internet, Magazines and Even Visual Images you lock in your mind.

 

The critic’s trailer to PORNOGRAPHY: A THRILLER, an official selection of over 20 film festivals and coming soon to selected cities.

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Stop Masturbating and Maximize Family Time

Parents today have about 22 less hours per week to spend with their kids than did parents in 1969. Competing interests like work, childcare, and other responsibilities compete for our time, and the more time spent away from our kids, the more likely they are to struggle in life. Of course, we all want our children to succeed, and we understand that the more we work with them, the better they’ll do. Yet, often, we let an hour here or an hour there slip by for things that we really shouldn’t be doing in the first place. While I don’t put “masturbation” in this category, I do put excessive online porn addiction and the growing guilt-ridden drive to stop masturbating into this category. When you stop masturbating as part of an uncontrollable online porn addiction, then you not only build up your own self-esteem and the pride of your family, but you also strengthen your family by spending more time with them.

Here’s what happens to most people. They know they should be doing something, perhaps helping their child with homework or just doing something constructive with them, or with their spouse, or even with a member of their extended family such as a mom or dad. But, instead, they see a window of opportunity that same day, when they know the house will be empty, to get online and access pornography for an hour or two. So access porn instead of taking care of chores, or work, or paying bills, and then when their child comes home from school, they find that they “don’t have time” to spend with that child, because they have wasted one or two hours already that day, masturbating in front of the computer. Who suffers? First and foremost, the child suffers from lost time with the parent. Secondly, the parent suffers, as they find that life seemingly gets harder and harder. But life isn’t getting harder and harder, they are simply not coping with life in a constructive way. They are escaping from life more and more through masturbation and pornography, and doing that day to day instead of keeping up with family, money, friends, and work – the things that help us all succeed in life. By focusing instead on an erosive addiction, they are limited their chances of survival in this complex world, but even more sadly, they are jeopardizing the success of their children.

Do you find yourself in this category? Do you find yourself, perhaps a few times or more a week, sliding something you should be doing aside to grab a window of opportunity to view porn online? This seemingly harmless activity adds up to major chunks of lost time and a major impact on your self-esteem as person, parent, and spouse. Think of it – if you spend an average of 5 hours a week online digging up porn, you are essentially throwing away nearly 11 FULL DAYS of your life a year, masturbating online. That comes to 6.5 work weeks each year, just tossing that time out the window – time you could be working either for an employer or for your own household, and thus making more personal time for yourself. When you look at it like this, you can see clearly that the time wasted impacts your family directly.

Just as important, you are hurting yourself, working against yourself, 11 days a year, actively eroding your self-esteem a few hours at a time, and this erosion of confidence and self further impacts your ability to compete, function, and spend quality time with those that love you. Because the worse you feel, the more you turn to self-abusive activities like masturbation, smoking, drinking, eating, etc.

One of the best ways to start to get a handle on the situation is to keep a tally of the time you spend masturbating to online porn each week. Do something as simple as writing the number of hours spent on each day of a calendar, then adding up the hours weekly for six or more weeks to get a good weekly average that you can then multiply into a yearly sum. Then ask yourself what you could and should be doing in your life that you’re not doing now. Ask yourself what risks you are increasing with online porn addiction, from computer viruses, to getting caught, to risking your job by using a work computer, to just the simple wasted time amplifying your ability to juggle your life’s responsibilities. You will quickly see that any time you can move from the self-destructive practice of online porn addiction to more constructive activities will improve your life. The more time you move, the better your life will be. And then, of course, the better the lives of your children will be.

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How Do I Stop Looking At Porn? 2 Major Empowering Habits To Give You Your Power Back

So how do I stop looking at porn? How do I free myself from this burden? You’ve asked yourself this very question many times. It’s likely a question that floats in the back of your head after giving in. It may simply come in the form of a feeling that makes you feel lowly or may cause you to feel like a heavy weight or burden is upon you and has now expanded in your mind or soul and relates to the fact that you gave in yet again. You messed up again and this feeling dwells on that mistake and lives within it.

I know what it’s like to feel this heavy burden. I know what it is like to feel robbed by life because I you can’t get on with the life you were meant to live. You are not alone and there is most certainly help! In this article I’m going to go over a basic analysis that will help you rid this issue and start gaining control again so you can finally live without asking yourself if you are good enough or could have been better.

So lets start by looking at the source of the problem. What does looking at porn do and why would you want to know how to stop looking at porn in the first place? Why do you really want to avoid it?

Porn addiction and sexual addiction

-Robs you of the life you were meant to live.

-Distracts you from the goals you truly want to achieve.

-Causes you to question yourself instead of tackling your dreams.

-Makes you feel like a victim to desires instead of a force of control.

What do you get out of facing and fighting porn addiction intelligently?

-A sense of control again.

-A knowledge about the mental process of porn addiction which improves insight and lessons self blame.

-Freedom in the fact that you are an action taker!

-Awareness that you are now living a life of your dreams that you never thought was possible before.

Learning how to stop looking at porn requires that you actually get help. It is not enough to simply hope for a better life. You need to act! The act of looking at porn required action. The only way to offset that balance is to take action in the opposite direction.

First) Take real action and expose to education!

Find any type of sexual addiction program that is proven and will free up your life and uproot the underlying issues that cause you to keep looking at porn. This action will immediately change your life because it is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself to alleviate your mind, freedom, relationships and dreams. You will immediately feel better simply by taking this action step because it is the most powerful and important tool. Doing this means positive change!

Second) Learn to combat action with action. Match negatives with positives.

From this moment forth, every time you struggle and end up viewing pornography, immediately take action afterward that will help you combat this in the opposing direction! This action might include reading a manual to help you fight sexual addiction or might include speaking with a therapist or life coach who empowers you. Anything like this will help you become stronger and more empowered! What ever you do, take positive action!


You can help your child stop porn addiction on the Internet

The World Wide Web has become a very generous information portal. Everything that you need can be found here from the silliest to the most serious research. You also have plenty of materials that you can use. You have e-books, videos, photos, and audio files. Simply put, the Internet can be a helpful resource—to a certain extent. When it introduces problems such as porn addiction, it becomes detrimental, more so when it affects your kids. You need to start the process of breaking porn addiction immediately. The good news is that there are a number of great ways on how to stop porn addiction.

1. Develop a completely new interest for your kid. One way of breaking porn addiction is to limit his exposure to sources of pornographic materials such as televisions and PCs. You can encourage him to participate in outdoor activities, such as sports, music, arts, or hobbies. You can perhaps bring him to a museum or watch ball games together. It may take a while before he will get used to the new activities—and he can even be resentful—but if you really want to stop porn addiction, you need to be very patient and persevering.

2. Get to know his friends. He may be a good boy inside your home, but you really don’t know how he acts when he’s with his friends. You can also stop porn addiction by getting to know the other children he usually spends time with. If they are into porn, there’s a good chance that they will or have already influenced your kid to it. Besides the kids, be friendly with their parents too. You can ask them about their children and how they are in their respective homes. When it comes to breaking porn addiction, prevention will always be better than cure.

3. Keep tabs on computer use. Of course, if you need to stop porn addiction on the Internet, you need to tackle the source: the computer. You may want to download parental controls, which will limit the time of use and the websites that can be checked out by your kids. If he has his own computer, you can set up remote networking, where you can view the web pages he’s visiting, as if he were using your own PC. There are also Internet filters. If you can, you can sit beside them as they visit web pages.  

4. Talk but never confront. There’s a difference between being confrontational and being more open to communication. Usually, the former is a one-way street. Moreover, it will only prevent you from further breaking porn addiction, since the child will be more afraid to talk about it to you. If you believe that you don’t have enough capacity to talk about porn addiction to them, you can ask help from a professional like a sex therapist or a counselor.

Parents will always be responsible to the actions of their children. Never be afraid to go to great lengths just to stop porn addiction in your household.

Shelley Lubben gives her testimony in Atlanta. www.shelleylubben.com http
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How To Stop Looking At Porn – 3 Simple Keys To Reprograming The Minds Weaknesses

Utilizing proven methods to learn how to stop looking at porn will make all the difference in the world! I know what it feels like to be struggling with something you’d rather not discuss openly such as pornography addiction and sexual addition.

I know how it is to be burdened by a problem that seems to affect your inner psychology, fulfillment of life, dreams, relationships with others and relationships with your god or religious systems. When you feel you have messed up yet again, it affects all of these aspects of life but there is help and hope and there are proven systems I will guide you to within and beyond this article.

Learning how to stop looking at porn means you have to do a little math first and above all find proven educational systems to help you with porn use. In this article I will give the keys to change when learning how to actually stop looking at porn. It is up to you to whether or not you will actually take some form of action to improve the quality of your life long term or rather glance at this article then just fall into the same trap.

#1 Only Blame yourself where it is effective

There is a reason to feel fear, shame and be upset. From a scientific standpoint, this reason is to keep you out of physical or other forms of danger. If you are beating yourself up for looking at porn to the point where you are not taking action then you are simply damaging yourself mentally and psychologically with no improvement.

If your religion or relationships with god make you feel more depressed for looking at porn then you still might need to identify what your religion actually prescribes to get you on the road to recovery. Many people are so upset about sinning against their god or their family or themselves, that they become more focused on their negative behavior then the resolutions that cure it.

#2 Combat Negative Action Such as Viewing Porn with Positive Action

You are going to mess up occasionally and look at porn or masturbate if you are a true addict. If you end up looking at porn on the road to recovery then you need to count your successes while taking real action to match the negative action. What steps have you taken up to this point beyond hoping and trying to stop looking at porn? Below are some things you can do to reinforce yourself before and after looking at porn.

Real actions you can take to match the action of looking at porn

- Find a proven method, system or program specializing in helping you to stop looking at porn.

A good system to help you stop looking at porn will include educational tools & powerful steps.

- Find on online support forum for those also researching how to stop looking at porn.

#3 Learn to effectively fight procrastination to stop looking at porn.

Learning how to stop looking at porn requires battling laziness. Porn viewing is somewhat of a lazy persons addiction. Learn to do something immediately instead of getting sucked in the internet trap. Learning how to stop looking at porn takes work but it can be done.

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Losing The Battle To Porn Addiction ? When Shaming Them To Stop Does Not Work

Church forum sites are filled with posts asking for advice about porn addiction. Religion and spirituality play a big role for many people seeking recovery and redemption from porn addiction. Perhaps it is because there is so much guilt and shame involved. For a religious person, it seems the natural first place to look for help with pornography addiction is their church, synagogue, priest, rabbi . . . The advice offered on the online forums is not professional advice.

The typical scenario is a man who desperately wants to stop his porn addiction and recover. He may talk about the pain and guilt he feels. He is ridden with shame and is sure something is fundamentally wrong with him. He looks to God for a way out. It’s probably not possible to conduct a study on how effective spiritual salavation is in helping porn addicts or other addicts for that matter in their recovery. In a preliminary review of a variety of Internet forums and religious based websites offering advice, there is a mixture of acceptance, sympathy and some that are less welcoming or just not giving useful advice.

When a person is seeking help and is pushed towards feeling more shame or made to feel that there is something wrong with him, his chances of recovery can be severely dampened.

This short post found on a church advice forum, sums up the ongoing debate the porn addict struggles with inside his own head:

“In my heart, I know that there is more to life to this pattern that I call my life. But I’m confused. I don’t know the meaning of life. I don’t know why I’m here, or what I’m doing. In my mind, I can only process 2 goals: Get porn, or avoid porn. That’s it. And frankly, they both make me miserable. “

This person feels betrayed by his mind. It’s forcing him to do things he believes are wrong. He struggles to reject the thoughts. Maybe those around him or what he reads or has been taught tell him to reject those thoughts – “put it out of your mind” “stop thinking about it” “mind over matter”. Or maybe a judgemental tone telling him he is immoral or sick.

Is any of that working? Obviously not. Here he is judging himself for being a bad person in a public forum. He tries to force himself  to stop. He may manage for a short while and then lapse – and then gets more ashamed . . . It is a problematic cycle that is hard to break, especially when someone is too ashamed to seek help.

When a person suffers from porn addiction and feels ashamed, as most do, He is getting good at shame and anger – practice makes perfect. Whiole it is not surprising that those around him will reinforce his feelings of guilt, it is not what will motivate him to seek a real cure. Sadly many addicts have no idea how to break the cycle of shame and anger and remain trapped in their addiction.